I never thought she’d turn out to be a cold-hearted bitch that she did. I hated her for showing signs, yes. But, I went with it. She was a reflection of my sad, dreary past.
And I loved her for that.
We broke up over a text. As simple as that. Don’t you sometimes wish you could go back and stop yourself from hitting that ‘Send’ button. I didn’t.
I, on the contrary, reveled on the fact that I had enough balls to tell her on her face that she sucked. Via text, anyway.
She took it pretty well. All the while showing signs of maturity. NOW she’s mature! That bitch.
It has been eight months since. She calls me up to say we need to catch up. As if….
She sounded distressed. And mighty stupid of me to give her the fucking attention she fucking needed. Pull my strings, why don’t you!
We met at a coffee shop. She chose one where there were several other couples. Suckers, all of them; didn’t know what the fuck they were getting into.
She bought the coffee for a change. How very nice of her.
We sat down at the table closest to the exit. There, I was – In the best shape of my life, smelling good and ready to give it to her.
“How are you doing?”, She asks.
“Good….good. Never been better”, I say.
“You seeing someone?”
“Well, not that it’s any of your fucking business, but yes.”
I lied. I wasn’t.
“Great. I am happy for you.”
“See, the reason I wanted to meet you is….I’ve been thinking about US. And your anger is justified. I pushed you to the edge. It’s tough being around someone like me, I know.”
“So, I want to really really apologize and say that if there is a part of you that wants to work things out again, I would love that”
“Wha…Are you fucking crazy? You just shat all over me and now you want to work things out?” I emphasized on the last three words using air quotes. Always there when I need them, dear air quotes.
“Go on and vent it out. I know you want it as much as I do…The way we left things, it was too much. I know I am distant sometimes, but that’s who I am.” She says.
“FYI, I’ve been just alright. Got a whole lot going on for me right now.”
She just stared at me, blank as fuck. I knew she knew I was lying. She knew it. She fucking knew it. I wanted her. I wanted her every day and every night, for the past eight months and for the months to follow, I’ve wanted only her. But I was an asshole. A Class-A cunt, if you may. Too proud. Too young. Too stupid.
“Fuck you!” I scream.
Needless to say, that drove the blank expression right off her face, and managed to draw the attention of the other couples around us. The ‘F-Bomb’ never fails.
I take three quick breaths and then I stand up. I pick my backpack up, intending to leave, and then I turn around to look at her one last time. She sat there, fiddling with the tissue paper, not looking at me. And then, I walked right out.
Would I have held on if she looked at me then? Maybe.
Out in the street, the cool breeze hit me. It felt good. I had my closure. Finally. Couldn’t wait to call Kevin up and tell him about it.
I take my phone out. There was a text waiting for me.
“I am sorry.” It was a text from her. I deleted it.
I deleted the last remaining proof that she ever was a part of my life.
It felt like a high-octane motor was driving needles straight into my heart.
“I can live with it.” I say to myself. “I know I can.”
I dared not look back.